I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
