one two three fourrrrnication!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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