Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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