my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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