Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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