I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
