It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
