I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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