I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
