yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
