I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
