I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
