Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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