worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
