FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
