And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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