dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
