see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
