Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
