so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im six kinds of drunk right now
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
