they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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