Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
