I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
