I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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