looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
