i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
