What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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