If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
