He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
