Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
