I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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