Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
