shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Randomize
