I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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