dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
