please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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