At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
