What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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