just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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