I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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