if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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