Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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