could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
