You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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