bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
