I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize