She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
there was a trapeze. enough said
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
