just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
