i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
