you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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