Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
