pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
