i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
