420 ftw
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
