Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
