guys are not supposed to queef...right?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
