My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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