What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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