my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's official drugs can't kill me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
