I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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