I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
