no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
