If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
