I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
