never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
