Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
