Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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