if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
