I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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