smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
3 2 1 whiskey
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
